Today's Topic:
Safe Sex
Is safe sex a requirement in romance, or optional?
Jun 16, 2008
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8 comments:
My personal opinion is that safe sex should be practiced in erotic romance or any type of romance for that matter. ESPECIALLY if a couple are new to one another and don't know a lot about their potential partner. I've appreciated the romances where the partners care about one another enough to use protection - whether they are m/f or m/m or f/f. Once the couple have been together for a while and they have both tested healthy, and if pregnancy is not an issue, then go for it...any way they want. The health issues facing people these days are so much a part of life that it's a bit irresponsible to just have characters hopping into bed willy nilly with no thought to potential consequences. Yep, I know, just my opinion. LOL
Well, since the only books I have published (so far, she warns) are m/m historical romance, I haven't had to deal with that problem.
Even though disease abounded in the middle ages, they had no idea what caused it.
So, safe sex for my characters is any sex where you don't get caught, drawn and quartered, or killed in a number of horrific ways.
However, my latest m/m is a contemporary, and my characters do indeed practice safe sex with each other, altho one character has had unprotected sex in the past.
They don't have unprotected sex until he gets a clean lab result.
However, I see frequently where the couple in books start off all safe sex, then somewhere along the line it fades away or they slip up, caught up in passion and forget about it.
For me, it's not a deal breaker in a m/f story, but in m/m there must be real consideration about the reality of the time period.
Sorry for reposting due to dreaded typoes!
It depends on the book. In historicals, let's face it, the characters traditionally rely on "magic birth control". As for contempo's, I've included condom use in some pieces, while I've completely ignored it in others. For instance in my yaoi series Blue Ruin, I'm focused more on the "fantasy" elements of yaoi than trying to preach something I trust my readers are intelligent enough to already practice in real life. And so there is no condom usage in the Blue Ruin universe, plain and simple. In a non-yaoi m/m series, however, I'd be more inclined to include condom usage.
Taking safe sex themes a bit further, in one of my het novels which featured two couples, I contrasted each couple's very different relationship by purposely depicting both safe and unsafe sex. One couple used a condom each and every time, while the other couple lived on the edge and honestly didn't give a crap. Couple one was not glorified for doing it right, while couple two was not villified for their irresponsibility -- I simply presented their choices as they were made, and let my readers determine who was right or wrong.
In the end, I do feel author responsibility can be balanced with reader intelligence. We all know safe sex should be practiced in real life, but when it comes to the fantasy of erotic romance on the written page, some readers prefer to leave the real world fears of pregnancy and STD's in the real world, while others appreciate the topic being presented realistically in fictional works.
Speaking from a reader viewpoint, I don't mind if there is protection used or not. As Katrina said,the audience this is targeted for is presumed to know the consequences of practicing unsafe sex. If the characters use protection there is the added knowledge that they care enough for each other to do so, but if there is no condom used I don't really start thinking they care less for each other, because in my mind it is still fiction.
As a writer of m/m fiction I have noticed some inconsistencies with trying to incorporate safe sex practices. (I am guilty of this too) Most of the time the characters engaging in sexual intercourse use a condom only during penetration. Oral sex, rimming, and what have you can be just as dangerous as the big shabang but we only bring out the rubber after four play. This turns out to be an unintentional mixed message. Its kind of like saying we don't want STDs or other nasty surprises of the genitals, but orally is just fine. Again, its unintentional but we often give safe sex practices only 50%.
Good point, Sage. I can honestly say I've never used protection in my novels for anything other than penetration. The thought never even crossed my mind.
My opinion is that I write for adults, and they should be well aware of the risks of unsafe sex. I shouldn't have to preach about it in my fiction. One of the best things about writing, for me, is being able to break the rules. ;)
I think it should be practiced/portrayed as a matter of responsibility as a writer, but if the writer is clever, it will come of (haha) as seamless, not bring the narrative to a screeching halt with a lecture on safe sex practices. There are all sorts of ways to work it into the narrative without making it obvious or preachy.
In my paranormals and futuristics I don't worry about it. In my contemporarys, I do put it in but not obtrusively (I hope) or preachy.
Reading, it will pull me out of a contemporary if the couple doesn't address it.
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