Armadillo Attack!

I could have misinterpreted its intentions, but if it wasn’t trying to attack, it was trying to scare me to death.

Last week, I forgot my netbook at work. After dinner, my hubby very kindly agreed to drive into back into work with me. I opened the front door and heard a weird noise. Ten feet away, right beside the path to the car, was an armadillo. I tell my husband. He says he can’t see it. Cleverly I move out of the doorway into the corner, outside. Mistake #1. Hubby claps his hands & shakes his keys to scare it away. Mistake #2. The armadillo popped up, turned around, and CHARGED us!

I shriek like I’m being chased by Freddy Kruger. My husband has to repeat “Get in the house” twice before I start moving. Because seriously, I was unable to move (and I‘m SO pleased to know I‘d be one of those annoying screamers in horror films who usually get whacked first because they just STAND there).

Finally, we were able to get into the house and slam the door shut. But what’s up with that armadillo? Are they aggressive? Do they bite? Hello… I’m from CANADA! I don’t know these things. Are they attracted to loud noises? That may explain the large number of them I’ve seen as road kill.

After some paranoid peeking out of the window, we sneak into the car and head to my work. Whereupon hubby says “I think armadillos carry some sort of disease. Starts with an L. And it’s not lycanthropy*. They don’t turn you into were-dillos.” Love the way his mind works, but then my naughty little brain prompts me to respond with, “What, were-dildos?” There’s GOT to be a story I can write around were-dildos, right? Erotic romance flavoured with a Douglas Adams-esque sensibility. ;)

Despite the fact I was a complete idiot and almost got mowed down by a rampaging were-dildo… er… armadillo, the night wasn’t a total loss. Hubby bought me ice cream, and I’ve got a possible concept for a humorous story (and a blog entry, let‘s not forget that). And if a psychotic kinkajou or capybara or yes, even an armadillo, shows up in a future story you can be sure the inspiration source was this memorable moment.

*side note: Hubby later remembered the disease was leprosy. Leprosy?!? I did a paper on leprosy for a paleopathology course in university, and I don’t recall ARMADILLOS mentioned even once in my research! I do remember leprosy is not easy to catch, thankfully, but I’m still going to be worried about the vicious, leprosy-riddled, space alien larvae every time I leave the house after dark. Because, seriously, I need MORE neuroses in my life.

Probably I should have introduced myself, but I'm as terrible at that online as I am in person. I'm KC Burn, I've got two releases with Loose Id, and I'm amazed to be in such great company.

KC Burn