Grammatical Pet Peeves

I have a lot of them, but I feel the need to comment on a two that have been bugging me lately.

First, "could of" is always grammatically wrong. Always. It's actually a contraction of "could have" which ends up as "could've". When spoken, yes, it might sound like "could of" but please, please, please, don't write it that way! There are obviously a few exceptions, like in dialogue, because dialogue has a lot more flexibility with respect to grammar. People don't speak in proper English - not even close, so realistic dialogue most times shouldn't be grammatically proper. But generally, "could of" in a book will make me cringe.

Next, is the much maligned apostrophe. I like the apostrophe, and I could write REAMS of posts about how to use the apostrophe properly and the myriad ways people throw it around, willy-nilly. But there's the thing... an apostrophe's function is to represent missing letters (as in contractions... oh, say... could've or don't) or to indication possession (Sarah's car or Matt's house). Sometimes it's used more colloquially, like 'course instead of "of course". And I've seen and used it as 'em instead of "them". Because the apostrophe represents missing letters. But the most recent grievance I've seen was a variation of 'em. But it was typed out as em' - more than once. Please, for the sake of my sanity, don't do this!

Of course, I'm not perfect, but yeah, sometimes things will get me in a tizzy and now, these are the culprits! I'm getting ready to go on a cruise starting Monday, so this is my short & sweet grammar lesson for today :)

KC Burn

A Great Time - Olde City, New Blood

I had the pleasure of attending Olde City, New Blood this past weekend, as a featured author.

OCNB was a weekend mini-con in St. Augustine, Florida, focused on urban fantasy and paranormal romance. Readers and authors rubbed elbows all weekend, and it was a great time. This was the first year of its existence, but from everyone I talked to, it was a resounding success, so I’m hopeful it will become an annual event. If it does, I can surely recommend it.

Aside from the fact I got to hang out with friends and meet some enthusiastic readers, I also got to meet and chat with authors I greatly admire like Amy Lane, Mary Calmes, Damon Suede, TC Blue, Poppy Dennison, Lori Toland and the always fabulous Kiernan Kelly. 

Before you start wondering if this was a m/m conference… Nope. We only made up a small portion of the authors there. A number of other UF/PNR authors were in attendance – too many to list here, but I had the pleasure of speaking on panels with Laura Kaye, Hildie McQueen, Elisabeth Naughton, Lexi George, Cynthia Eden and many more. In fact, that was one of the best things about this con.

The panels consisted of a range of authors: New York Times bestsellers, small published, e-published, m/m, YA – the whole gamut, and I felt the m/m contingent was incorporated seamlessly and equally. The panels I spoke on included: the growing popularity of m/m, world building, paranormal characters beyond vampires and werewolves, and sweet vs. spicy romance. It was exciting to be able to answer questions from a m/m romance perspective, and have those answers contrast or complement the answers from authors who are considered more main stream.

I can only hope I held my own, but I know Damon and Amy (who are both waaaay more eloquent than I am) did wonders to increase converts to m/m romance. One of the best panels included both Amy and Damon, and was essentially Fiction Improv. The panelists were given some very basic information about plot and genre randomly contributed by the audience, and they had to make up a story on the spot – a few sentences apiece from each author before the next author would pick up and add their own spin. It was clever and hilarious.  I just wish I could recall everyone who was on the panel, because they were incredible. Let me just say this… platypus-shifter infestation in space. That's a book waiting to happen!

For my own personal pimpage… I took my super purple abs everywhere! Partly because my Loose Id books are my paranormal ones, and partly because who wouldn’t want those lovely purple abs anywhere and everywhere?

All in all, it was a fun weekend, an excellent con, and hopefully a few more readers were made aware of the many different fiction options available to them.

KC Burn

Do You Dream in Color?

More importantly, do you dream in plots?

I usually do both.  I’ve used vivid dreams as a basis for a number of stories, whether it be resolutions, plot points, characters or even some vital scene in the middle.  

If I think the idea has any validity for a story, I’ll get up and write it down.  Sometimes it’s sexy, sometimes it’s funny and sometimes it’s scary.  Three of my books have been greatly affected by plot points I’ve had in dreams.  The blackest moment for Cooper in Blood Relations?  That was a dream, in all it’s gory detail.  Lucky me… uh…

Then again, sometimes you’re not quite sure why your subconscious comes up with things.

The other night, after a fairly innocuous night of watching White Collar and Covert Affairs, I went to sleep.  Where I dreamt about digging up dead bodies with both Sherlocks.  Yep, Benedict Cumberbatch and Robert Downey Jr.  Okay, so maybe my subconscious was being really, really good to me, despite the clear anachronism of having the two of them interact.  I also dreamt that I helped a werewolf find his mate, although that involved a rather unfortunate amount of peeing on the carpet. 

Then, the good times ended when I dreamt I inhaled a wood chip, woke up and spent an hour coughing before remaining awake for the rest of the night.  Not much on the way of story ideas, sadly, except perhaps some slash Sherlock on Sherlock fan fiction, I suppose.  Blog fodder isn’t too bad, either ; )

But as I’d said, I do often rely on dreams for ideas either to start stories or to get past a hurdle or add a different subplot.  Anyone else use dreams for inspiration?

KC Burn

Expanding My Horizons

Last week, I gave my first ever solo program at my local RWA meeting. Have I lost you all yet? For those of you who aren’t familiar, RWA is the Romance Writers of America and it’s a professional organization for published and aspiring romance authors. It’s a great source of information on craft and the business of writing, and it has several local and online chapters.

I’m a member of two online chapters, as well as my local one, but it’s the local one where we have monthly meetings and have people come in to speak on a variety of topics. I’ve been a member of the RWA for years, and always belonged to a local chapter, but for the first time, I thought I was qualified to speak on an aspect of craft. So I put my name in to present a program, and I was granted the opportunity to do so at the last meeting.

I spoke for an hour about point of view and characterization, and how getting to know your characters will only strengthen your ability to write in their point of view, which in turn allows your readers to more fully identify with them. All well and good, but that’s not the point.

This was the first time I planned a somewhat educational program and presented it – by myself – to a roomful of people, some I knew, some I didn’t, without freaking out. Speaking in public is terrifying, and I never thought I could come up with a unique way to present a writing topic that others hadn’t done already and done ten times as well. But I think I managed. Or at the very least, I didn’t have a mass exodus once I started talking. That’s a good start.

And I do rather enjoy telling people what to do... I lecture people I know all the time! Once I got going, it was a lot of fun. Mind you, most of the questions I got at the end had more to do with the genre I write in rather than the topic I'd been speaking on, but I'm always happy to answer those questions, from anyone. The more good publicity for m/m romance, the better, in my opinion.

A couple of chapter members suggested that I *gulp* offer it up to conferences or other chapters. We’ll see. One neurotic hurdle at a time, please!

KC Burn

My St. Patrick's Day Regret

Happy St. Patrick’s Day! Now, I could always talk about Ireland, Irish traditions, my Irish heritage, being green… but instead, I’m going to tell you about my St. Patrick’s Day regret.

Once upon a time, back when I lived in Toronto, The Pogues were playing on St. Patrick’s Day. I couldn’t find anyone to go with me and I should have just gone on my own. The stars have yet to align to put me in the same place as them doing a show on St. Patrick’s Day, and boy, do I regret not going when I had the chance.

Now, in case you’re unfamiliar with The Pogues, their Irish-based folky, punky Celtic music is absolutely perfect for the season, and I can’t think of a better way I’d like to spend March 17… sometime!

The band name was inspired by the Gaelic term for “kiss my ass” (or so says Wikipedia) and their music, especially the earlier stuff that’s all Shane McGowan, has a great edge to it, lives up to that motto and is so damn catchy. There’s even a Subaru commercial that uses one of my favourite songs, and it makes me want to run right out and buy a Subaru, while listening to The Pogues.

They’ve got a *fantastic* Christmas song, Fairytale of New York, but that’s no good for St. Patrick’s Day. Take a listen to a couple of my favourites (some are NSFW) and see if you aren’t ready to go out and quaff a green beer or a Guinness, maybe dance a little jig…

The Haunting

The Wake of the Medusa

Hell's Ditch

If I Should Fall From Grace With God -- this is an early version, not the kick-ass one on the Subaru commercial :(

KC Burn

Favourite Words

Authors love words. That’s almost the whole point of our being, right? And I’ve discovered during edits that there are words that I use more than others. Most of those words aren’t any fun, though. Fun words, though… there’s a lot of them and I’d say my favourites change under the different circumstances.

Recently I came across a word I learned from my dad when I was a kid. It’s one of those words that, these days, would require too much explanation to use in a book, but I love the way it looks and the way it sounds in my mouth. Widdershins. Means counter-clockwise, so really, it’s hardly worth the explanation.

Of course, I do also love swear words in all their glory… and if you’ve read any of my stuff, you know that. My lovely editor has even had me take out some from a few manuscripts. But I’m not particularly creative when it comes to the swear words. I have two friends who are stellar at that particular subset of creativity. I still haven’t managed to shoe in very many of their offerings, because calling someone a twatwaffle requires a very specialized set of circumstances. But rest assured, I will! Seriously, that word amuses the crap out of me.

Anyone care to share their favourite words?

KC Burn

The Writer's Life

There are so many roadblocks, pitfalls and challenges to creating a book. First, we need an idea, plot, characters. Then we need to form them into some sort of logical progression. After that, it’s edits and rewrites and more edits, and somewhere in between we have to create a query that makes our book sound enticing in two paragraphs and a synopsis that summarizes the story from start to finish in a couple of pages. If anyone tells me they like writing a synopsis, I’ll assume they’re lying through their teeth.

This doesn’t take into account the distractions of a day job (which many of us have) and the obligations and pleasures of family and friends. Carving out time to do the writing is sometimes as much of a challenge as actually writing the book.

All those challenges take place in the comfort of your own home. Once you let your baby out into the big, bad world, there’s rejection, revise & resubmit letters, contract assessment, edits and more edits (when you’d already thought your baby was PERFECT). After publication, you worry whether you’re going to sell anything. Are you doing enough promotion or too much? What if no one reviews your book? Worse, what if they give you a bad review? What if everyone hates it? (Yes, many of us are this neurotic.) There are also pirates and plagiarists to worry about. Life as a writer is fraught with worry, and then you need to worry… can I do it again? Can I go through that all again for the next book?

Clearly, though, my cat thinks I do not struggle or suffer enough and has taken it upon herself to add just that little bit more…

Don’t get me wrong, the joy of creating something from nothing makes up for a lot of pain. Knowing complete strangers can read your words and feel moved is what keeps so many of chipping away at those roadblocks. Thank you, to all the readers out there who help make it worthwhile for us.

KC Burn

Chivalry vs Efficiency

Is chivalry dead? And should it be?

I’m all for chivalry… or at least, basic common courtesy, which, like common sense, is none too common. However, there’s one place where it drives me absolutely nuts. Nuts, I tell you! There are six floors in my building at work. Yes, I’m lazy enough to take the elevator. I get out at the 3rd floor. There’s a bunch of guys who, even if they’re at the elevator first, will stand aside and let us females on the elevator. Now, I guess it is certainly courteous, but pointless. Not like holding the door open for someone. As long as you’re not muscling your way to the front, we women are perfectly capable of waiting our turn.

So, these guys -- I think we need to call them nice but dumb. Why do they let women on first? And these guys will often let EVERYONE on first, not just women. Honestly, it’s so not necessary -- especially when they’re going to the top floor! The problem is when you let everyone get on first, you get on last and you’re IN THE WAY when I want to get out. Seriously. These guys are first in line for the elevator, and know they’re going to the top floor. Just get in the f**king elevator. I’d be a lot more appreciative of the efficiency than you letting me get on first, because IT MAKES NO SENSE!

I guess if my boat was sinking, I might be more than happy to get first dibs on the life raft, and perhaps the whole elevator thing is merely training for a tragedy that may never happen, but I ride that elevator every day, and bite back sarcastic comments every day. I may never have to worry about that sinking ship.

Then again, courtesy is so rare these days, I suppose I should give them a sticker for passing Chivalry 101. The world would likely be a poorer place if efficiency completely took the place of chivalry, so I shall continue to bite my tongue.

KC Burn

The Bitchy Manuscript

Trompe L’oeil is finally here! Which I’m thrilled about. But it was a struggle to get here. Almost exactly a year ago, I was blogging about how many difficulties I had with it. There were a number of things I did differently for this book, all of which combined to make the process more painful than I expected. Don’t get me wrong. I love writing. I love meeting new challenges and expanding my horizons, stretching my boundaries. But doing so many different things at the same time was… perhaps not the wisest thing I could have done for my psyche.

When I start a story, I usually imagine a scene somewhere in the middle of the book, and I have to figure out who the people are, how they got there, and how they’re going to get their happily ever after. For this one, I came up with the overall concept first. And oh boy, from a couple of paragraphs, it seemed like a great idea. I still think it is a great idea, but I didn’t anticipate how difficult it would be having two people fall in love when they can’t interact… at all… with each other. Tricky, tricky…

Part of the pertinent back story occurs during the Great Depression. I have a history degree, where I specialized in the medieval era. I have ZERO knowledge of the Great Depression. So, that meant a bunch of research I hadn’t anticipated. Oh, and one hero is a painter. I also know zip about art.

I ALWAYS write linearly. One scene after the other, all the way through. This one, no. For some reason, I chose to pop around. Write a scene near the beginning. One near the end. It messed my head up something fierce.

Then there’s the title. Trompe L’oeil. I’m glad Loose Id agreed it was a good title for the book, but I worried about it. I still worry about it. Despite not being an artist, I’ve been familiar with the term for a while. It means trick of the eye, often referring to an optical illusion a painter has created by manipulating perspective. I’ve never felt so strongly that a title fit a manuscript of mine. But, is it off-putting for readers? I sincerely hope not.

And, not least, the story isn’t a typical romance. It’s not a typical voyeurism story either, but that was the word which prompted the idea. There’s a love story. There’s a happy ever after. But the path to get there? Bends a few rules governing reader expectations for erotic romance. I hope people will understand that the very thing that makes the romance atypical is also the very thing that makes the story so potentially tragic. It’s the biggest obstacle in the book, the biggest conflict for the lovers. So, despite the hassle the story gave me, I'm hoping people will understand, give me a little latitude, and love the book like I do.

Anyone got any stories like that? The ones that take it out of you, even though you weren’t expecting it?

KC Burn

The Missing Cents

Like many writers, I’m a little more sensitive than most to spelling, punctuation and grammatical errors out there in the real world. The one that caught my notice recently was the cent symbol. Has anyone noticed just how difficult it is to get a cent symbol on electronic devices? My phone, as far as I can tell, doesn’t have an option for it. It’s not on the keyboard. Even when ‘inserting a special character’ it’s a bit of a hunt. In fact, I had to look up the ASCII code just to insert the cent symbol in this post.

Why do I care? Well, for starters, the number of tweets I’ve seen advertising $0.99 books would undoubtedly benefit from being 99¢. However, I’m convinced the powers that be are actively guiding us away from the cent symbol because MOST PEOPLE DON’T UNDERSTAND HOW IT WORKS. Which amazes me, because I learned how currency worked, along with how to notate it, in Grade One. Maybe the curriculum is different now, but I started noticing these errors 20 years ago, long before my peers should have made it into anyone’s marketing department.

Around 20 years ago, I worked in a pharmacy. I can’t tell you the number of coupons -- provided by large corporations to be placed on the shelves -- had errors similar to this:

Get .75¢ off!

Dumb asses. That means ¾ of a cent. I always wanted to say to the customer, “I’m going to be nice, and round up your discount to a whole cent, how about that?”

Seriously, didn’t anyone proof that?

What’s even more amusing/aggravating is that despite the problems finding the cent symbol on most electronic devices, it must be readily available on the control panel of those LED signs, because my local strip mall is an egregious offender. I’ve seen eggs advertised for .12¢ (and honestly, 12¢ was impressive enough, never mind less than ¼ of a cent). I’ve seen bread and mugs advertised as .99¢. So tempted to wander in with a roll of pennies one day and try to buy 50 items with it.

But then, trying to explain to someone who doesn’t get it why it’s wrong would probably make my head explode. So, I’m saving my bitching for you. Aren’t you lucky?

KC Burn

The Pack Rat Gene

I have it. I’m not a hoarder or anything (I’ve moved too many times -- if I were a hoarder I would have been lynched by a band of angry movers long ago), but I don’t like to throw things away. Especially if I think they might be useful… someday.

Throwing things away usually involves a long internal debate and my tendency towards pack-rattiness became even more obvious to me last week.

Who has Gmail? And how many of you have used 78% of your allotted storage space? Me! *waves hand wildly*

Clearly, it was time to do something. Probably the fact I had over 37,000 unread threads (yes, you read that right) should have clued me in, but I kept thinking maybe I’d go back and read them. I can hear your derisive, hysterical laughter from here, you know, and I’m hurt ;)

Now, I do my best to read personal and business emails. Most of the unread emails are excerpts and whatnot from various yahoo loops I belong to. My intentions are pure. But I‘m able to read those emails only infrequently.

So, after I submitted edits last week, I started hacking down the weeds. I’m now down to 13,900 unread threads! Woo-hoo! Yes, most of them were deleted unread. But not all. It might take me the rest of the year, but I’d like to be at a point where I have NO unread threads. I’m not sure what that sort of accomplishment will feel like, but I’ll definitely deserve a gold star for my forehead.

KC Burn

Food, Sex and Poetry

A couple of weeks ago, I was at a meeting of my writers group and we had a couple of poets in to speak. They were lovely, talented people who managed to confirm that I just don’t ‘get’ poetry (if it isn’t Shel Silverstein or the clue to a treasure, it’s not for me).

Aside from that, they discussed an interesting concept: food as imagery for sex. Ostensibly this arose from the idea that any of the emotions and senses associated with the enjoyment of food can also be applied quite easily to sex. They were talking about food AS sex, in a metaphorical sense, while I, as an erotic romance author, immediately thoughts of food AND sex.

We’ve all read scenes or seen scenes in movies… strawberries stroked lovingly over skin, chocolate licked off various body parts… I’m pretty sure I’ve even read about a popsicle. Lovers clean up stray bits of salsa or sauce with a tongue, or eat with suggestive inclusions of fingers. I believe there’s a well-known scene in 9½ Weeks that’s supposed to be a prime example of the sexual power of food. I wasn’t able to watch it. Yuck.

Am I the only one who thinks bringing food to bed is… less than hot? I’m perfectly happy when skin tastes like skin and chocolate tastes like chocolate. I don’t need your skin in my peanut butter and I don’t need my peanut butter on your skin. Sex is fabulous (and messy) on its own -- it doesn’t require additional condiments. Toys, on the other hand... but that's another blog post!

I have read scenes involving food that were hot… such scenes certainly won’t affect my enjoyment of a book, or make me stop reading. And I haven’t entirely dismissed or avoided writing about sex and food together. After all, my characters aren’t ALL carbon copies of me ;) with my likes, dislikes and neuroses, but food in bed will be a topic I avoid when I can, simply because I don’t find the combination particularly sexy. Strangely enough, sex on the kitchen table or counters? Totally hot! But keep the fridge door closed, ‘k?

Anyone with me? Or am I all alone with my neurotic weirdness?

KC Burn

Zombies, and Bees... and Pr0n?

When in doubt, write about porn… Seriously, I was totally tapped for a blog post today… and then this week, I saw some porn. I actually don’t watch a lot (I get the majority of it from following the Coffee and Porn in the Morning blog from Marie Sexton & Heidi Cullinan).

I’m a wee bit picky, which is probably why I don’t watch a lot. I like a little plot, a little acting ability, and dear God, they have to look like they’re enjoying themselves. But… as far as ‘plots’ or perhaps ‘themes’ go, I discovered there are worse things than no plot and disinterested, lackluster acting. The search for a decent plot with one’s porn can lead one down some unexpected and unfortunate paths.

One: zombie porn. It was horrible. Horrible. The zombie giving a blow job is something I will never be able to brain-bleach away. And the sounds. Ugh. *full body shudder*

Two: bumblebee porn. Seriously. Everyone was dressed (for a brief time) in yellow and black stripes and sparkly deely boppers for antennae. The deely boppers NEVER came off, no matter what sex act occurred. I felt like I’d wandered into some fetish-land that I had no idea existed. For those who have that fetish… well, they have my sympathy, because it must be hard to find a lot of bee porn. There was nothing in the description to even hint at the bee-ishness. Clever marketing or piss-poor planning? Who knows. But it must turn someone's crank.

Nevertheless, it’s all going into the ideas folder, because I'm sure I'm going to be using one or the other in a book one day. And if you're into bee porn, well, I apologize in advance, because I'm pretty certain I'm going to use it for comic relief.

KC Burn

Dangerous Typos

Now, I can’t spell assassin for love or money, but when I mess it up, my handy-dandy word processor picks it up. The truly dangerous typos are the ones that are real words, spelled correctly, that can vastly alter the meaning of what you’re trying to say. Sure, it’s easy to mix up homonyms like they’re and there and their if you’re not paying attention, but believe me, there are worse typos out there.

One of my favourites is the proximity of the g to the f on a keyboard. I’ve made that little slip where finger-fucking became ginger-fucking. Well now… adding ginger to the mix is a whole ‘nother story! I’ve also missed the L in oblivious. Which makes it obvious. And that’s a typo that could easily slip past a number of editing passes, editors and copy editors.

At work, I regularly have to type the words “official” and “ship”. It’s somewhat disturbing how often these end up as “offal” and “shit”. I’m totally paranoid I’m going to miss one someday. I like my job, so I don’t think there’s any subconscious resentment coming to the surface. The evil portion of the evil day job is solely in reference to the 40+ hours away from writing, not because I dislike my job.

Not too long ago, I read a book that referred a number of times to an ass crack as a crevasse. Well, I’m really hoping the author intended to write crevice, because dictionary.com defines crevasse as “A large, deep fissure” and usually used in reference to glaciers, which gives a sense of scale. When they say large, they mean LARGE. A crevasse in the ass sounds more painful than sexy, and quite frankly the mental picture I'd formed was rather alarming. In one of those odd moments of serendipity, shortly after reading about the ass crevasse, I read a book by Josh Lanyon where he clarifies the difference between the two words… although in reference to geographical features as opposed to ass crack. Made me wonder if he’d read the same ass crevasse story. To be honest, I adore the term “ass crevasse” because of its lyrical quality. Too bad I can’t actually use it in a story, because, well, you saw the definition, right?

Recently I found out I can never create a character named Chris. I tried. But every single time I typed out the name “Chris”, I slapped a T on the end. This is also a typo I don’t understand, because it’s not like I spend a lot of time… or any time in fact… typing out anything of a religious nature. So, rather than risk missing a stray T or two, I decided to change the character’s name and never, ever name a character Chris again.

Got any dangerous typos of your own? Please share!

Dreaming of Puppets

Inspiration. Sometimes it’s an armadillo attack. Sometimes it’s more mundane. (This is me, trying to bang out a writing related post -- just don’t expect it to be all erudite and filled with proper information and stuff… I’ll leave that to some of my fellow LI authors.)

Anyhoo… For those of you who don’t know me, I have two books out with Loose Id (Wolfsbane & Blood Relations in the MIA Case Files series). In these books, I’ve got entities called Umbrae which infect humans, creating mythological or folklore monsters. And MIA is the secret agency that combats them. Simple enough, right? But I thought I’d tell you a bit about my inspiration for them.

Dreams spawn a hell of a lot of my story ideas. Most of the dreams I remember involve blood and death, serial killers, someone trying to kill me, or a combination thereof. Fabulous material, although I suspect my brain is a nasty pit stop on the way to crazy town.

One night, though, I had a particularly vivid dream -- secret agents investigating paranormal phenomenon, angst-y romantic conflict between gruff Carmichael and sweet Adam, and even the stoic senior agent, Oliver, who is the hero of the manuscript I’m working on now. However, the paranormal being they were investigating? Uh… a fifty foot Oscar the Grouch-type monster. Kinda destroyed the whole ’secret’ thing, and didn’t do much for the scary-ness, although it was terribly impressive when he/it stomped all over the local football stadium.

It was a great start, but for a viable villain, I needed to start ’what-if’ing. And, OMG, actually plotting! Many a drive to work was spent toying with options. Probably I shouldn’t admit that I’d written two thirds of the first draft of Wolfsbane (which was sans title for a loooong time) before I hit on the Umbrae. The inspiration for Blood Relations was a little more simple, especially since I‘d already come up with the Umbrae, although it was also a dream. Unfortunately, if I tell you, it gives away the climax. Suffice it to say, Cooper’s black moment is pretty darn close to the way I dreamt it.

Some might say I’m in need of therapy and/or medication. I say I have a head full of creatively helpful nonsense. To-may-to, to-mah-to. Regardless, at times when I’m slated to write ten blog posts over the next month… inspiration is a handy-dandy topic.

Ummm… blog post starts out okay… but scrambles a bit looking for a solid finish…

Anyone got any good places they’ve found inspiration?

KC Burn

Armadillo Attack!

I could have misinterpreted its intentions, but if it wasn’t trying to attack, it was trying to scare me to death.

Last week, I forgot my netbook at work. After dinner, my hubby very kindly agreed to drive into back into work with me. I opened the front door and heard a weird noise. Ten feet away, right beside the path to the car, was an armadillo. I tell my husband. He says he can’t see it. Cleverly I move out of the doorway into the corner, outside. Mistake #1. Hubby claps his hands & shakes his keys to scare it away. Mistake #2. The armadillo popped up, turned around, and CHARGED us!

I shriek like I’m being chased by Freddy Kruger. My husband has to repeat “Get in the house” twice before I start moving. Because seriously, I was unable to move (and I‘m SO pleased to know I‘d be one of those annoying screamers in horror films who usually get whacked first because they just STAND there).

Finally, we were able to get into the house and slam the door shut. But what’s up with that armadillo? Are they aggressive? Do they bite? Hello… I’m from CANADA! I don’t know these things. Are they attracted to loud noises? That may explain the large number of them I’ve seen as road kill.

After some paranoid peeking out of the window, we sneak into the car and head to my work. Whereupon hubby says “I think armadillos carry some sort of disease. Starts with an L. And it’s not lycanthropy*. They don’t turn you into were-dillos.” Love the way his mind works, but then my naughty little brain prompts me to respond with, “What, were-dildos?” There’s GOT to be a story I can write around were-dildos, right? Erotic romance flavoured with a Douglas Adams-esque sensibility. ;)

Despite the fact I was a complete idiot and almost got mowed down by a rampaging were-dildo… er… armadillo, the night wasn’t a total loss. Hubby bought me ice cream, and I’ve got a possible concept for a humorous story (and a blog entry, let‘s not forget that). And if a psychotic kinkajou or capybara or yes, even an armadillo, shows up in a future story you can be sure the inspiration source was this memorable moment.

*side note: Hubby later remembered the disease was leprosy. Leprosy?!? I did a paper on leprosy for a paleopathology course in university, and I don’t recall ARMADILLOS mentioned even once in my research! I do remember leprosy is not easy to catch, thankfully, but I’m still going to be worried about the vicious, leprosy-riddled, space alien larvae every time I leave the house after dark. Because, seriously, I need MORE neuroses in my life.

Probably I should have introduced myself, but I'm as terrible at that online as I am in person. I'm KC Burn, I've got two releases with Loose Id, and I'm amazed to be in such great company.

KC Burn