How Not to Write

I don’t get writers block very often. Usually it’s a brief (or a bit longer) pause of not knowing how to describe something. As someone who outlines, I usually know where I’m going with a story. Even if that story unfolds differently than I planned, the outline always gives me a goal to write toward for each scene.

When moments of being seriously blocked happen, I try to push on through and get some ideas down so I can move on to the next part of the story where I won’t be as blocked. I can always revise later (I revise like crazy anyway), but at least I’m moving forward.

However, there are times when my creativity is blocked so badly when I’m writing an outline or a first draft that I’m staring at the blank page in terror. In those moments, I find it’s important to have a plan.

Sloan’s 20 Steps to Dealing with Writer’s Block (Do not try this at home):

1) Grab some SUGAR! Nothing gets me hyper like sugar. Hyper Sloan can type faster. Even if the words make no sense, at least I feel a sense of accomplishment as my fingers fly over the keyboard.

2) When my fingers slow again, take a break and browse Tumblr. Some of my followers post the best stuff for inspiration. But that usually leads me to writing a sex scene and I’m not often blocked when writing sex. Time to get back to the scene I want to write.

3) Have more sugar.

4) Browse Twitter. Oh, look there’s a great picture of two guys driving down the road on motorcycles, both in tuxes.

5) Start brainstorming a new story about a couple of newlyweds.

6) Damn, this is not the time for a new story. Must focus on something else.

7) Look around the house at the 56 unfinished projects I never seem to find time to complete (like that envelope of photos that need to go into an album, that pile of clothes to sort through and take in for donation, and the huge stack of papers that need filed). Pick up one of the projects that looks most appealing.

8) Five minutes later, stop working on said project once I remember why I never finished it in the first place. Writing is more fun. Even if I’m blocked.

9) Okay, more sugar and back to the story.

10) Try interviewing my characters. “What’s on your mind? What are you feeling right now? What do you want to do? What do you wish I’d write about for you?”

11) Tell them to shut the hell up when all they answer with is SEX. This is not the right time for them to have sex. Or I probably wouldn’t be blocked. Sheesh.

12) Browse through my outline for an upcoming scene that will spark my creativity and get me excited to write this story again.

13) Throw the outline across the room when my inner critique tries to tell me I suck.

14) Open my email and read a couple of the lovely messages I've received from readers who’ve enjoyed my work. Remind myself: it’s not just me that I’m writing this story for. (THANK YOU, readers!!)

15) Open the document and stare at the blank page again. Talk about pressure!

16) More sugar.

17) Pet the cat. This calms me down after too much sugar.

18) Fall into a heavy sugar-induced sleep.

19) Wake up and start again.

20) Repeat as needed.

Thank God I have more “good” writing days than “bad” ones. The bad days are exhausting.

Sloan Parker
www.sloanparker.com