The Grass Isn't Always Greener

For the few of you out there who know me, you also know I’ve been away for a long time. Some of my absence was self-induced, some by circumstance. You see, two years ago I stood on the top of that writing/publishing hill, looking down at the valley below and thought how much greener the pastures looked and how unhappy I was with my current author status.

So, I jumped ship (so to speak). I pulled several of my book titles from some of my non-producing publishers, got my rights back and self-published them in an attempt to broaden my readership and keep more of my pitiful sales for myself. I also witness the greener pastures of the erotica market and decided to give it a try as well.

While I don’t regret these decisions, as they have provided me with new experiences and broadened my horizons, I’ve learned that I’m not quite as comfortable being a self-published author as I thought I would be. I’m also not able to write the type of erotica that really and truly sells. Yes, I got 70% of the royalties going through Amazon directly (among other places), but after I paid for cover art, editing and advertising, how much of that 70% did I actually get to keep? Plus (at least for me) there was still a certain amount of pride in seeing a publisher’s name on my book. In some weird, twisted way, it’s some sort of validation that my book is good enough to run with the big dogs. I’m sure that’s my insecurities talking, but oh well. It is what it is.

After my failure at my self-publishing experiment, I had some personal ‘real-world’ issue that cropped up and stopped my writing in its tracks. There for a while, I wasn’t sure if I’d ever write again. Then the crisis passed and my muse came raging back, demanding to be heard and bam! Within three months I had four stories written and ready for publication. That’s when I made the decision to return to where I’m most comfortable. I messaged my editor and the next thing I know, I have a contract, a release date and a beautiful new cover that showcases my story perfectly. Once again, my fragile ego has found validation from the approval of another and now, as I prepare to move forward with my new release, edits on a future story, and await validation on a third WIP in review, I find myself thankful that I didn’t cut all my ties.

What I’ve realized over these last two years is that I’m happy here at Loose-id. I get great book covers, a fantastic, amazing, most awesome editor to work with, and am treated as if I’m important to the company. While I needed to push my boundaries and test the waters of self-publishing, this is where I really belong and I’m happy to finally be back home.

AVAILABLE SEPTEMBER 10th.

Unedited Excerpt

Slowly, Lexi turned back and found Logan was indeed watching her. She held his gaze only to feel her body begin to tingle with a long-dormant awareness. How in the hell was she supposed to accomplish a good workout with him staring?

She was still pondering that question some time later as she struggled to focus while lifting free weights. Every time she finished a set of reps, she’d check the mirrors to locate Logan, and every time she found him studying her. Even while he’d participated in a burpee contest with Jason and Cole, his attention focused on her.

She turned to the weights, picked up a set of dumbbells, and move back to work on arm curls. Lexi widened her stance just a little, straightened her back, and lifted her head to look at the mirror. Her body jerked at the sight of Logan standing directly behind her. Her eyes widened as she stared at his reflection, catching his smile.

“I didn’t mean to scare you.” His low tenor sent tiny trembles of desire vibrating through her body.

“I-it’s fine,” she managed to reply as she lifted the weight. “Can I help you with something?” Like washing your back or tending to your every desire? She nearly rolled her eyes at her wayward thoughts, but somehow managed to stay focused.

He arched a brow as his grin widened, and she swallowed hard. Was it possible he could tell what she was thinking? “Actually, I came over to help you.”

God, yes! She could think of several issues he could tend. “I don’t need any help,” she replied instead.

“Really?” He reached over her shoulder, his fingers grazing hers as he removed the weight and returned it to the rack.

Doing her best to ignore the ripples of need rolling through her body, she pretended to be indignant. “Hey!”

“Relax.” He picked up the next size weight and placed it in her hand. “I was just going to show you that you’ll get a better workout by going up a weight and doing fewer reps.”

His hand rested below hers, propping her up as she wrapped her fingers around the dumbbell. She turned to look over her shoulder at him and barely resisted the overwhelming urge to lean into him and kiss the slick skin on his neck. Why did he have to be so close? “I don’t want to build muscle, though,” she replied and was surprised by the breathlessness in her voice.

He moved closer, practically wrapping his big body around hers as he shifted to support her arms. “This isn’t about building muscle, sweetheart. It’s about building stamina. Now just follow what I tell you.”

Slowly she turned her attention back to the mirror and nearly swallowed her tongue at the sight reflecting back. With Logan’s body pressed against hers, she could feel the heat radiating off his big frame, and there was no way to mistake the desire she saw in his eyes. Hell, even she had to admit they looked good together. Still, it didn’t change the fact that she wasn’t interested in pursuing a new relationship. Am I?

“Now, slow, purposeful movements,” he guided. “Less repetitions. Maybe one set of eight on each arm, instead of the two sets of twelve you were doing.” For reasons she couldn’t quite explain she followed his direction without further argument. She didn’t think he knew better than her trainer, but something deep inside her seemed to bloom under his guidance. It wasn’t desire so much that welled within, though that was definitely present, but something more akin to a need for his approval. Why she could care what he thought, she wasn’t sure. All she really knew was that suddenly his praise mattered to her. Damn if that realization wasn’t just a little disconcerting.

He lowered his head and whispered against her ear. “That’s very good sweetheart. You follow direction well.” Then he brushed the softest of kisses over the spot just behind her ear. Lexi’s knees damn near buckled under the sudden wave of lust that swept through her. More than a little unnerved by her body’s reaction, she stepped out of his embrace and set the weights back in the rack.

“Um, thank you for your help,” she mumbled but couldn’t bring herself to look up at him. “I think that’s enough instruction for today.” She grabbed her towel off the bench and made a direct path for the bathroom. Her heart pounded so hard she swore it might just beat right out of her chest. She pushed open the bathroom door, walked straight to the sink, turned on the faucet, and began to splash cool water on her face.

After the horrible ending to her previous relationship, the last thing she wanted was to try again. She still had moments where her mind struggled to cope with the tragedy of that terrible night. How could she possibly bring herself to move forward after what happened? She lifted her head and stared at her reflection. Still, she couldn’t deny her body’s needs, and for reasons beyond comprehension Logan seemed to pull at all those needs, forcing them to the surface, where she had no choice but to face them.

She slapped a hand against the porcelain sink as frustration slowly mingled with desire. Of all the gyms he could have gone to in the city, why did he have to pick this one? Wasn't it bad enough that she'd have to see him on a daily basis at work? Without some sort of break from his overwhelming persona how long could she possibly hold out before succumbing to his will?

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